First, I would like to say that I feel an accute sense of loss.
I understood the man and his plight. He had no savings, no home ownership, no pension. Unlike Nisargadatta, Kenneth did not run a viable, income generating business. And of course, unlike Ramana, there was no ashram or simple-minded Indian peasants to believe he was a special guru and to take care of him. What’s a man to do in this kind of situation?
I understood that. This is why there was no interference with his physical existence in Cambodia on my part: I never told anyone in Cam about the man, never spoke to his acquiantences here (and I knew some of their names), never published anything on Cambodian forums etc. etc. The man has got to eat, right? I felt plain sorry for him.
However. I’ve invested over five combined years into Kenneth’s story, and of course the grief is quite pulpuble. I will always regret not being there for him in his final hour (not that he’d want that), and I will always wonder what his last days were like. When you placed that much time and energy into something or someone – it inevitably becomes part of you. When this thing or person are gone – that part of you is gone too. Ask anyone who lost someone, and they will tell you this is so. It does not matter how ‘enlightened’ or aware one is; the human inside lives on no matter what. And if you somehow managed to replace your human with total indifference.. well, you’ve become the statistic in the spectrum of human mental disorders I am afraid. Those ain’t pretty.
Kenneth seemed to have died of heart complications from covid, from what scant information is available. It did not help that vaccines are scarce and not easily available in Cambodia; it is truly pot luck for both the locals and the expats. I know people who got vaccinated via work, but for peeps like Kenneth, with no work connections and no family, it would have been difficult to register for the shot. Neither did it help that Ken was not the guy to shout about feeling unwell or ask for immediate help. He chose to help himself instead, and that was not a wise choice, given the circumstance. I feel angry at him for making the daftest, stupidest, unwise, inconsiderate decision, and towards whom?? Himself.
What the hell is wrong with you??????? How can one be so fucking careless about untested medication??
There are things I wanted to tell him that were never said. The communication stopped in 2017 when I told him I knew who he was. After that I thought about writing to him with any developments, but saw no point. And now nothing can ever be said, because it is too late.
So.. if you have something to say to someone in your life – do it now. Death is final and indesputable. It is also often very sudden.
Second, there is a question of his forum. The members are really locked into the world of their own over there. Every message, both responses to his posts and generation of a new thread, were moderated. In the wake of all the revelations about his past and present schemes Kenneth assumed an ironfist control, so that no personal messaging between members was allowed, no member lists/names/emails were visible etc. etc. Which tells you just how important the forum was to him: he simply could not afford to lose his source of income, hence, the tightening of the noose.
On the 9th of July, three days after Kenneth died, a long message was published on the forum titled “There is no Jed McKenna”. In it Kenneth rehashed the backstory he came up with four years ago and secretly distributed among his fans, after the information about his true identity became known via this site. He improved on this story by removing his personal South American adventures, by calling Peter Sweeney ‘The Editor’ instead of his real name, by elaborating on his fake story of collaboration with Peter (Hey! Peter!! Can YOU hear that?? HAVE YOU COLLABORATED??). Kenneth also expanded a bit on my story, as in ‘the stalker is as the stalker does’, despite the fact that last time we communicated or bumpted into each other was 2017 in one of the Phnom Penh music bars.
Again, he named himself as the only truth realised person, and Peter as his ghostwriter (Hey! Peter!! Can you hear that, AGAIN?? Notice I use the exclamation marks and capital letters just like you advised your marketing audience all those years back!!! Is it working??).
The problem is NOT those claims. Those who believed he was ‘Jed’ – will continue to believe it, and nothing will pry their minds away from the fake and into the true picture. Those who had common sense to see he was not the author (myself included, took me some fact-checking to recognise this) – will not buy into this story anyway.
BUT. The question arises: how did the message appear AFTER Kenneth’s death? Look at the possibilities:
- It was pre-arranged to be sent. Kenneth knew he was ill, and quite seriously, we have a record of this on the forum (him not being able to walk much). He realised he could die and decided to set up the message to be posted. The fact that he was already in the hospital at the end of June says he allowed enought time for himself (+10 days) to recover, come back home and cancel the message. Ten days, just in case he gets better. But he never came back.
- He gave an instruction to someone else to post the message in case of his demise. This would be the most terrible turn of events, because it means someone might decide to continue with the scam of separating the members and their money. Why? Because forum members, as I mentioned above, are locked into the forum. They don’t know his real name, hence, cannot look for him. They do not know Kenneth is not the real McCoy (or, rather, he is, but not in the way they think). The members don’t question the information he presents to them. It is the perfect scam, and that’s the genius of Kenneth McMordie. Anyone can join and continue the charade, providing they have access to the forum account of Ken.
- Kenneth is alive. Hey, I am just giving you ALL possible scenarios in order to fuel your overactive conspiratory minds. Because SOME of you may have thought about this too, you miserable cunts. There are already conspiracy theories circulating on reddit and let me tell you.. KENNETH IS DEAD.
He is dead. I would love him to live a bit longer. There were no replies to his last forum message and the one before that. Members cannot post unless he approves their posts. No one was approved since the 28th of June, because he was very ill in hospital. This makes me think the last message was pre-arranged to be sent automatically after a certain date. I sincerely hope that no person has access to his account. It would be terrible to see this enlightenment scam continuing even after the main character has left the stage.
Kenneth, I will miss you. I know you appreciated the art of this investigation, were impressed by its depth, and you made it known once. No ill feeling, darling.
P.S. Thank you to those of you who contacted me, I will respond soon. And to those of you who I contacted, and you replied. You know who you are. It meant the world to me to learn a bit more about what actually happened. And thank you for the photo.
P.P.S. I will try to restore Kenneth’s story as it was published here a few years back, just for those members of his forum who might one day wake up to the fact that he is gone, and will go looking for him in the world. As I will be doing it ‘live, do not get surprised if the EM settings go rogue on occasion.
POSTSCRIPTUM: IT SUCKS. I could never get my head around the finality, in the same way I cannot wrap my head around the infinity of universe. I could never accept that I am still alive while another is gone. That they will never know who wins the Euro, and how the covid pandemic will resolve itself, and who will marry their grandchild.. it simply doesn’t make any sense, regardless of how well acquianted I am with death. So yeah.. I can’t believe he is gone. I still can’t believe my friend is gone, and it has been five years. The rip in the fabric of reality, the damned rip.. it remains 😦